The Trial

God had seen His share of stormy seas before, but although taming of storms was a routine stunt for Him, predicting the outcome of an American legal process was way beyond His capabilities. He made a mental note to Himself to make sure each and every lawyer would go through a similar legal process after they were extracted from the simulation. In spite of what the Torah says, God did have a sense of humor.

God had given up the initial idea of winning the case in court. He was pretty sure that would be interpreted by the Council as exceeding His authority. He was also certain that His rivals - especially that Devil bitch who was constantly harassing His simulation - would be monitoring the proceedings closely and implement her own advocate in the simulation if God was about to succeed. When it came to cybersecurity, God was utterly clueless.


So, rather than attempting to win the case, God decided to pursue a different strategy: Jessica would confess everything She was accused of as long as the crime was not punishable by death (only murder and badmouthing the President were, and She had been ultra careful to steer clear of both; stopping JFG’s heart by appearing in front of him had been an accident caused by Her carrying half of Viivi Pumpanen’s genes). The public outrage caused by Her sentence would be good for the mission, and getting a Prophet out of a prison would be child’s play to God who, after all, had once liberated Her half-brother from a rock tomb blocked with a twenty ton boulder. Now that had required some creativity, thought God, totally forgetting that reversing local gravity by the boulder had been the simulation admin’s idea, and it had taken the admin to carry it out.


“All rise!”

The Judge entered the room.

“Ladies and gentlemen, the Honorable William Wanker!”

“Please be seated.”

“Ladies and gentlemen, PharmaKlingon vs. Jessica Calvin Queen. We start the proceedings. Would a representative from PharmaKlingon please tell what this is all about?”

“Your Honor, ever since Europe banned the import of American-made drugs, the pharma industry has been struggling,” started the company lawyer Benito Rat his presentation.

“In order to save this vital industry, the Trump administration issued the Vital Revenues Act in 2023. That Act makes it a federal offense to damage the Industry’s revenue base by attempting to modify the customers in a way that reduces the turnover that they generate.”

Mr. Rat straightened his heavy golden necklace and carried on:

“The Food and Drug Administration has issued PharmaKlingon the sole privilege to exp… help all neurological patients until 2043. We have evidence that Miss Queen,” he pointed at Jessica with his index finger with three thick gold rings, “has removed no less than eighteen customers from the market of our proprietary ALS drug Hiluzole, thus causing PharmaKlingon the yearly loss of sales in excess of $10 million. As the drug costs less than a dollar to produce, that translates directly into net losses caused by Miss Queen’s activities which, if I may add, also constitute a federal offense.”

“Miss Queen, how do you reply to the charges?”

“Your Honor, guilty on all accounts.”

“OK. Based on what I have heard, I sentence you to spend a lifetime in a prison facility chosen by the State of California. Also, you are to pay PharmaKlingon $10 000 a month for every customer you have stolen from the company until you provide them with replacement customers. Court dismissed.”

The Honorable W. Wanker and the PharmaKlingon representatives left the courtroom, blissfully unaware of the chain reaction that had just started in their motor neurons.












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Raimo Koski

That title is kind of taken by Franz Kafka's novel, and for me personally by Orson Welles' movie based on the book

Another story about the ruthlessness of pharma companies is the prescription opiod crisis in the US. Financial Times has several articles about the issue, like Opioids and the Sackler family, "The billionaire Sackler family and its company, Purdue Pharma, are named in lawsuits alleging their marketing tactics helped get a nation hooked on painkillers." and GSK director sued over US opioid epidemic, "A director of GlaxoSmithKline, the British pharmaceuticals company, has been sued by the state of Massachusetts for her alleged role in fuelling the US opioid addiction epidemic."

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